Baby Weight & Dad Bods

I stood talking with a co-worker who recently returned from maternity leave. I myself, had given birth to Ella about 6 months prior. I work in a corporate office and during the pandemic, was blessed to work from home 100% of the time, so this woman and I had not seen each other in over a year at the time of the conversation.  The words tumbled out of her mouth as a compliment, but they’ve stuck with me.  “You look like you haven’t even had a baby!” I know she meant it to be a good thing, but it got me wondering, is that the goal we’ve set for postpartum women? To look like we’ve never carried a baby inside us? And if yes, what does that mean?  I sure as heck didn’t look the same as every other woman before kids, so is that what I should be aiming for now? And don’t even get me started on the unrealistic timelines our American society has for moms to lose their “baby weight”. 

On the flip side, there is a pattern that men tend to gain weight after adding children into their life and we don’t use the phrase “baby weight” when talking about them. The term “dad bod” instead is used, referencing a little bit of fluff that has gained as the new father has taken on more responsibility for caring for others and maybe hitting the gym a little less. I follow a hilarious dad on social media and he constantly wears a shirt in his posts saying “It’s not a dad bod, it’s a father figure.” Funny how in my mind, if I were to wear a similar shirt that said “It’s not a mom bod, it’s a mother figure”, people likely wouldn’t think that funny. “Dad bod” to me seems so much less shameful and is more humorous. It still isn’t great, but carries less weight than the terms we use for moms in their postpartum phase. Same story with this one too, by the way, is every dad supposed to look the same? Is there only one “dad bod”? 

Words matter so much. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” has to be the biggest lie in history. Words can cut like a knife and scar for life. What if instead of continuing to use phrases like baby weight and dad bods, we were the generation to change the narrative? Instead of adding one more label on someone who already is going through a major life change, we take weight gain or loss comments out of the picture completely and focus on how we can support new-ish parents to be well when they likely aren’t sleeping much, grabbing snacks on the fly, getting by on a tighter time and money budget. Doesn’t that feel good inside of you? Using our energy to help instead of create labels? It sure does to me.