I didn’t realize that today was “International Women’s Day” until I saw the Google Doodle on my home page. The image that jumped out to me in the middle was a breastfeeding mother and mother who is bottle feeding, so I clicked to see more details on the image. The overall theme of the doodle is “Women supporting Women” (check out the details here https://www.google.com/doodles/international-womens-day-2023).
I love this theme for today.
Since becoming a mother, I’ve felt more connected to other women in this world. Before kids, I honestly had started to lean into the idea that having less women friends was better because of the notion that women all came with more “drama.” But that is a weird notion when I look back because I want women at the table with me. I want their emotions and thoughts and passion because women think differently than men. And if I’m the only woman at the table, who do I turn to when I do need that support that only another woman can provide?
I also think about my motherhood journey. My husband is my number one supporter, but he just doesn’t get some of the things that I went through. Hormone changes and breastfeeding for example! I relied heavily on my sister and other moms going through the same experience to feel less alone during these early years of my kids’ lives. Also, returning to the workplace. I leaned heavily on other working moms who were experiencing the same thing or were seasoned moms in the workplace to help me navigate the “mom guilt” I was feeling from wanting to still work, but also wanting to be home with my babies.
I hate this theme for today.
I completely agree that women need one another to cheer each other on, lift one another up, and provide support to one another that only women can give. But the missing piece in this image is that we still live in a man’s world. Men need to be supporting us too. Change is happening, but it’s 2023, and there is still so much change to be done. Take medical practices for instance with women’s health. I hear and see stories often where women talk about their doctor misdiagnosing them until they do research on their own and find their voice to advocate. Most medical knowledge has been passed down and taught by men, because they were the ones who had access to attending medical school until women were allowed into universities. Think about that for a second. Men wrote the book for women’s health. Women are just making a dent in helping rewrite medical history about our bodies. (Reminder: Make sure you are using your voice to advocate for you at any doctor appointment. You know your body best. Communicate that!)
Or the workplace. Yes, I work for a company that has great benefits for parental leave. But they can be better. I was lucky enough to get 12 weeks of fully paid leave for both the births of my children plus the option to take more time at a reduced pay. Here in America that is like, top dog for maternity leave. I have many friends (specifically teachers come to mind) who received $0 during their maternity leave. So depending on their financial situation, many returned after 6 weeks. So let’s imagine for a second, you took 9 months to grow a human inside of you, went through (hopefully) a smooth birth experience where your body pushed this tiny human into the world, are adjusting to life at home with a new family member while your body is balancing hormones, up multiple times during the night to feed the baby every 2 hours, plus you’re not getting paid so that’s in the back of your mind, and you’re trying to prepare to go back to work in 6 weeks and leave your little human who you have had with you nonstop for 9 months + time outside the womb. Damn. I’m feeling overwhelmed just writing that. Working moms belong in the workplace should they choose. But we need to stop ignoring that men write the story in the workplace still. Men just don’t understand women’s bodies. It’s our job as women to help them understand so real change can happen.
My vision for the future
I read an article while preparing for the birth of my second child (I wish I had the link but don’t!) about a woman who moved to America from somewhere in Africa. She explained in the article that until around age 3-4 , she didn’t know who her actual mom was. Not because her mom wasn’t present, but because all of the women in her village came together to support one another. Her mom was every woman in that village. And I thought wow, what a beautiful thing. The proverbial “village” that so many of us talk about in motherhood has a place here in America for all women. Let’s not forget that. We need one another to survive and thrive. We need each other to make change a reality for the girls we are raising. And we also need to ensure men join our village.