Do you ever think about your creative energy? I don’t mean just physical stamina, but the energy that you have to continue to create throughout the day. Lately, I’ve been feeling drained early in the day in this area consistently. As we start a new month, I reflected on where I spent my energy this past month to see if there is a somewhere I’m spending mental energy that I should be conserving to ensure I use my energy for the things God put me here to do.
Work
My job as a corporate facilitator requires me to be creative almost all of the work day. Not only do I facilitate training, but I get to create the majority of the content for the team to deliver. I also get to meet with partners to understand their education needs, decide the best delivery methods, and provide recommendations to leaders on how to ensure their message is most broadly received. I enjoy it! Education is fulfilling work to me, but I noticed this month that the non-stop creating that I do, is starting to burn me out. I remember this feeling in high school when taking an AP (Advanced Placement) Art class. For this class, I had to produce artwork after artwork to complete a portfolio by the end of the year. I went from enjoying art, to just going through the motions to produce a piece because I had to for someone else’s timeline. I remember turning in one piece towards the end of the year and my art teacher expressed her disappointment in the piece immediately and asked if I really wanted it to be part of the portfolio. She was right. I made it lazily to meet the quota I had been given vs. actually creating something from my heart. This experience drove me away from studying art in college. Art had become a task instead of a joy. I had used up my creative energy. My manager once told me “Put B+ work out there sometimes. People will still think it’s A or A+ quality” and I recently heard this again on a podcast. I may need to give this one a try! I definitely have a tendency towards perfectionism and this is an idea to play with.
Social Media
I spent more time in April trying to get people to look at my blog through use of social media than actually writing for my blog. This bothers me to no end because I intentionally created this blog as a creative outlet for myself outside of the traditional social media platforms. But here I was, thinking that I need to get on people’s feeds so that they will be directed here. By the time I created reels and posts, I had zero creative energy left in the tank to write. Like complete writer’s block! I would open my journal or laptop in the morning and just stare blankly at the page. Nothing would come to me. It was an awful feeling for me as this blog brings me joy and generally GIVES me energy from connecting with people through writing. But here I was, 3 months in, wondering if I needed to give up my blog dreams because I was mentally fatigued. Then I realized how much time I had spent creating on social media. I fell into a trap that I had created for myself. Last week I went lighter on the socials, and guess what? I’m recharged and ready to write.
Motherhood
Mom life is always going to be a creative energy suck for me. And I’m ok with that. It’s one area where I know the energy spend in the long run is worth the reward, even if I don’t see it immediately. This is also the area where I struggle the most in terms of lasting energy because when I need to be most creative with my girls is at the end of the day. Usually this is when I am exhausted from work and need to step up my game to match their energy level to play, to be creative in my parenting so I reach them on each of their individual levels, to mediate squabbles from a place of understanding instead of reactivity or shaming, and of course navigate their emotions while managing my own. I say “creative energy” here, because it isn’t just physical energy. I have the endurance most days, unless we are in a broken sleep phase, to get to bed time. But I don’t want to just GET to bed time. I want to be the mom that they deserve. The one who is guiding them to be their best selves. And that takes being creative.
Moving Forward
I had the opportunity this past month to take a class for leaders on the topic of effective communication. The first “key” which is the foundation of all communication, is self awareness. Now that I am aware of the areas where my creative energy gets sucked, I can move forward with recognizing how it impacts my life. I do not have consistent, boundless, creative energy to tap into. I do have awareness and the free will to choose when to use my creative energy and when to conserve. Being creative is one of the many gifts God has given me. I am thankful for it and also thankful for this reflection to help me become more self aware or attuned with this part of me.