I can’t help but smile when I hear Thomas Rhett’s song “Life Changes”. If you haven’t heard it before, go have a listen, but the gist of the tune is best summed up by the one line in the chorus, “you make your plans and you hear God laughin’”. I couldn’t agree more. Especially as a parent, this comes into play every day! Just when I think I’ve figured out a routine for my kids or what they want for dinner, they throw me for a loop. But let’s talk for a moment about honoring the big changes and learning how to embrace them.
When is the “right” time for change?
The last 10 years of my life have been a whirlwind of big changes. To name a few:
- I got married
- Bought our first house
- Changed jobs twice (same company, different roles)
- Added 2 kids to our family (pregnancy, nursing, etc.)
- Sold our first house and bought our new one
- Experienced a pandemic
It’s been A LOT of life events. It seems like just yesterday I met my husband at a Penn State tailgate a few years after college, but also it seems that was an eternity ago. I will start by telling you that none of these big changes happened at “ideal” times. We closed on our house 3 days after our wedding. I took on a new job 3 weeks before our wedding. We just finished remodeling the majority of our first house when I went for a run one day and saw a house for sale that I just knew we needed to go check out. We were able to get in to see the house the next day and within 5 days we had our own house on the market and by end of the next week, sold. I was newly pregnant with baby number two and a pandemic was raging around us. I often hear people say, “now’s not a good time for a change.” But when is the “right” time for a change then? I can make my plans for changes to come at a nice pace, but life has shown me that I can handle change as it comes, when it is meant to be.
Honoring change
The one part of the change puzzle that I am learning to do more of is honor change. I had a moment during the pandemic where I was out walking the dog to escape the chaos of my house on a Saturday morning. It was when we were working from home, day care was closed, and we were pretty much in survival mode. I saw a young couple out for a stroll with their dog, each sipping on a cup of coffee, and it hit me in the gut that those days were not my life anymore. It bothered me because I truly love my life as a mom, but there was something tugging at my heartstrings about the simplicity of their day and I felt jealousy bubble up. I realized then that in all the rapid fire change happening over the last years, I hadn’t taken a moment to pause and mourn my old life AND honor the beautiful changes. I went from being responsible for just me and my decisions about how to spend time, to being a girlfriend, to being a wife, to being a mom of 1, to being a mom of 2, and I never paused to actually process how the changes impacted me. I just kept going. So, I gave myself permission to mourn the parts of my life that are long gone. I gave myself permission to celebrate the joy that they brought into my life, and then honor the change that moved them out of my life. Personally, I do this through running, journaling, and breathing exercises, but I’d encourage you to find your own way to reflect, process, and honor change.
“The only constant in life is change.” – Heraclitus
This Greek philosopher was onto something when he declared this statement. Change truly is constant. But as someone who likes plans to go my way and things to be on my timeline, I feel like change is a nice humbling reminder that I am not in control. I can only control how I respond to the change.
Journaling Prompts
- Write down all the changes you experienced in the last 5-10 years.
- What changes do I need to mourn?
- What changes do I need to celebrate?
Great reflection and encouragement, Jen. Did you find listing the changes made them less overwhelming? I need to do this then. My mom passed tragically 10 years ago and as a shield to my pain I know I have filled, probably overfilled, my plate. When you lose your parents someone should warn you that your plate will automatically fill because you have lost your best helpers and supporters forever.
Hi Melissa! Thanks for reading! And thank you for the question. I found listing them out put things in perspective for me for WHY I felt overwhelmed at times. Often we don’t take the moment to pause and reflect, because that pause can be scary as it forces us to let some of the emotions associated to change come to the surface.
That being said, the loss of a loved one is a major change. That could be the ONLY thing on your list and be change enough to feel overwhelmed. Although I am blessed to have both my parents still, I can relate to your comments about “overfilling” your plate to mask the pain. For that I will say, you have every right to process grief in your own way at your own pace. There is no handbook for navigating life after the loss of someone. May I suggest looking at what you’ve filled your plate with and see if those activities are supportive of your healing process or just a band aid so you don’t take the “pause” that could lead to healing? Lastly, I hope that your comment finds it’s way into the hands of someone else who has lost a parent and needs to hear that they are not alone. We all need each other in this world to help heal the wounds we bear and I appreciate your willingness to share your story.
I just love your thoughts
Thanks Melissa! Maybe someday I’ll be the author of the personal development book you’re recommending to people. Gotta dream big, right?!