Motherhood

I have started and stopped writing about motherhood probably 100 times now. It is something that I care so deeply about to help others feel empowered on their journey as a mom, but also terrified to share any of my thoughts on for fear of judgement from others. Which is why I must post this one, because letting fear rule my writing is never the way to go. 

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. My career aspirations changed from time to time, but motherhood was something that was very instinctual to me from an early age. What I didn’t know was how motherhood would change me. Becoming a mom is the single most life changing event I ever experienced.  I read a post from another mom on social media and the gist of the it was “I knew I’d be walking out of the hospital with a new stranger in my life, but I didn’t know that stranger would be me” meaning she felt a complete change in her being after giving birth.  I felt the same. When Blakeley was born, it was like the universe shifted on it’s axis and I became new. Even in marriage to my husband, I never felt so connected to another human as I did to my newborn. The same happened when Ella was born. A new version of me was also born. It was as though my heart grew new rooms in it, just for my children to live and I am forever connected to their bodies, even though they have long since separated from mine. Their joy is my joy. Their pain is my pain. 

I would not have understood this level of connection to another human was possible had I not become a mother. It has opened the door for me to be a better version of myself. To love others more and to be less judgmental in this sometimes harsh world we live in.  I never thought I would want to quit my job in corporate America. Yet here I am finding ways to balance both worlds, taking a pay cut and moving to 32 hour weeks to spend more time with them, after working SO hard to get to the pay level I was at. As soon as the idea popped in my head to try this new work arrangement, I knew I wanted it if my company and I could make it work, 

Most of all, motherhood has continued to inspire me to never stop learning.  I thought I knew how to be a mom from my years as a swim coach, babysitter, etc. and yes, those jobs helped me learn how to entertain kids and care for them safely, but what it didn’t prepare me for is navigating the emotions of my own children and knowing how to support each of them in their own unique way. Part of my learning journey as a mom has been working with a Parenting Coach (Lisa Krug – @theintentionalpath) who has been a Godsend in helping me understand the science of childhood development in a holistic way so that I can meet my kids where they are at and identify tools that I can access when emotions run high. Lisa helped me heal myself in different ways so that I can be a better parent for my girls. Aside from learning about child brain science and being a better mom, you already know I love to learn about health and wellness and how each person is unique. Motherhood helped me see that. 

I am not sure if every mom out there experienced this same shift in the universe when they held their child for the first time, but this is a major part of my journey. Now that I’ve faced my fear of talking about motherhood, maybe I’ll be brave enough to share other motherhood practices/reflections on here. But the most important thing about this post, is that I’ve faced my fear to start. Which most of the time is my biggest hurdle.