This was the first year since moving back to Western New York about 12 years ago that I didn’t go Black Friday shopping with my mom. It just didn’t work out this year for us to go. Both of us on the morning of the Day after Thanksgiving started texting each other our favorite memories from over the years of our annual tradition. Our tradition started over 20 years ago and although there have been other years we’ve been apart on this day, for some reason we both felt the need to take a trip down memory lane this year. It brought up lots of happy memories for me, but also some feelings of sadness because we weren’t out on our usual Black Friday adventure together. It got me thinking though about what those experiences meant to me.
From the years of middle school until last year, my mom and I went Black Friday shopping in the traditional American sense. The day after Thanksgiving we were those people getting up before dawn to get a good deal on some pre-Christmas shopping items. Each year the mission was slightly different in terms of the items we were shopping for, but looking back now, I didn’t care about what we were buying. I cared about being out with my mom doing something that was “our thing”. One of my siblings occasionally came along and the standing tradition became that my Dad would meet us at a more reasonable hour at Bob Evans for breakfast right near the local shopping mall. Another year my college roommate came along. But the core people of this annual excursion were me and my mom. I can still taste the gas station French Vanilla cappuccino that she’d let me get for the special occasion (luckily my tastes in quality cappuccinos has improved since then) and smell the crisp morning air of a chilly western New York morning when I look back at these memories. There’s no pictures. Most of the shopping excursions occurred before cell phones and selfies. Just the memories both of us have that let this tradition live on. There is something beautiful in that.
The real gift of these Black Friday expeditions wasn’t the cheap blank writeable CDs from Best Buy or the DVDs that could be bought for low dollar amounts. It was time and space with my mom. We rarely had “somewhere to be” those early mornings, so we weren’t rushing to get to the next thing. We had a longer car ride to where the stores were located so we had space to have a conversation if we wanted to chat. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I can remember the car rides and the gentle hum of me talking while my mom listened. I appreciate that part more now than my teenage years. I didn’t know it at the time, but really that’s what I needed with my mom. I needed time and space during the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season and busy school schedule. I needed connection. Isn’t that what we all need in this world?
It’s quite humorous to me that Black Friday holds such a special place in my heart. When I see the old video footage of people rushing into stores for a Tickle Me Elmo or being cruel to one another just to get the hot item of the season, it seems like I’d think it was a great thing that online shopping has taken over for a day that used to cause chaos for some. But instead I’m wishing that Black Friday deals were limited to that day in store so I can create more memories with my mom. The good news is, that with this reflection, I know that it’s more about the connection, time, and space with my mom. I intentionally took a day off this holiday season that worked for both our schedules to spend a day together. Sure, it’s not Black Friday, but it is going to be kid/grandkid free, and give us the container for time and space together that our annual shopping excursion usually provides.
My hope for you, is that you connect with someone during this busy season. Put your phone down. Intentionally seek time and space with someone. Maybe it’s your spouse. Maybe it’s your child. Maybe it’s a friend that you haven’t called in a while. Or maybe it’s a complete stranger. The world needs more connection and each and every one of us can be the one to initiate it. We just have to decide to do it.
I love this!
Can’t wait to start our day together! I am so blessed to have you as my daughter.
This brought back so many memories for me. My mom, dad and I did black Friday shopping as well. We would get up super early in the morning just to get to JcPenny’s for their Disney snowglobes. We would run in and grab them and then go on our shopping trips. The night before we would plan what stores had the best deals and we would make a map so we didn’t waste anytime. The stores were always so crowded, we would sit outside in the cold, waiting in line to get that amazing deal. I remember one year, since I was faster than my parents, I ran through the store (which we mapped out weeks ahead of time) and I ran and got the TV we really wanted. LOL After we were done shopping we would go to Denny’s to grab breakfast and then head back out. We would spend the whole day together. Even after getting married and having a child, we still continue this tradition, even though it’s not the same, we still spend the day together and still go to breakfast at Denny’s. Wow, so many memories just surfaced with your post. Thank you for sharing this!